You Were Never Too Much. You Were in the Wrong Room.
You were never too much. You were just in the wrong room. This post explores how shrinking to fit in silences powerful women and what to do instead.
I’ve been called too much more times than I can count.
Too confident, too independent, too bold, too serious. Too everything.
At first, I believed them.
I filtered my personality. Smiled when I didn’t want to. Softened my voice. Played small.
Especially when I worked in politics. The expectations were clear: don’t make waves, don’t be intimidating, don’t challenge the room.
And when I stepped into the photography world? It happened again.
People praised my work. But they also wanted me to be less than what I was and more like everyone else. That’s the problem with going into business. There is no instruction manual so everyone ends up doing the same and being the same and not standing out like we should.
Eventually, it got old.
Being Too Much Is a Lie You Were Taught to Believe
You were never too much. You were just surrounded by people who weren’t ready for your fullness.
This message is for the woman who’s been shrinking herself to stay safe.
The one who edits every caption to sound nicer. Or the one who keeps her mouth shut during meetings, even though she has something important to say.
The one who’s afraid to speak her truth because someone once said she was too much.
I see you. I’ve been you.
Playing Small Doesn’t Protect You—It Silences You
Here’s what I know for sure: playing small won’t save you.
It won’t win the right people.
It won’t protect your confidence.
And it definitely won’t build your brand.
In fact, shrinking keeps you stuck.
You can’t build real connection while hiding the best parts of yourself.
And you can’t lead with impact if you’re constantly diluting your presence.
The more you try to be digestible, the more forgettable you become.
I Had to Stop Trying to Win the Wrong Rooms
People used to tell me I looked angry. That I needed to smile more.
They called me intense. Intimidating. Cold.
Sometimes, they said it like a compliment. Most of the time, it wasn’t.
And for a long time, I thought I needed to change.
But the truth?
They just weren’t the right people for me.
Once I stopped trying to earn approval from the wrong rooms, the right ones started opening up.
That’s when I stopped proving and started owning who I really was.
How to Take Back Your Presence
If you’ve been hiding, you’re not alone.
But you don’t have to stay small.
Here’s where to start:
1. Stop apologizing for who you are.
Drop the disclaimers. Own your voice, even when it shakes.
2. Pay attention to where you shrink.
What rooms, platforms, or people make you dim your light?
3. Find the rooms that make space for all of you.
The ones that don’t ask you to shrink. The ones that celebrate you being “too much.”
You Were Never the Problem
Let me say it clearly:
You were never too much.
You were just more than some people were ready for.
That doesn’t mean you need to become less.
It means you need better rooms.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the longer you play small, the harder it gets to remember who you really are.
But here’s the good news—you don’t need to do more. You just need to show up as you.
The full version.
Because you were never too much.
You were just in the wrong room.
Grab my free resource to help you show up with clarity, ease, and authenticity: ✔️ 30 Days of Personal Brand Prompts
Have questions or want to work together?✔️ Reach out here: www.jamapantel.com/contact
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